THE MILLSTONE IN MY CHEST – IN POETRY I REST

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Psalm 34

The Happiness of Those Who Trust in God
A Psalm of David when he pretended madness before Abimelech, who drove him away, and he departed.

34 I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
3 Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
4 I sought the Lord, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
5 They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces were not ashamed.
6 This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him,
And saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel[a] of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him,
And delivers them.
8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
9 Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.
10 The young lions lack and suffer hunger;
But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.
11 Come, you children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
12 Who is the man who desires life,
And loves many days, that he may see good?
13 Keep your tongue from evil,
And your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their cry.
16 The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all.
20 He guards all his bones;
Not one of them is broken.
21 Evil shall slay the wicked,
And those who hate the righteous shall be condemned.
22 The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.

Hey beloved in my LORD Jesus Christ 🙂

Howaya??

CranKay here – haven’t written poetry in a minute. Persecution has an ability sometimes to to rip the art out of a persons heart. I however am going back to my basics. Woke up this morning with a swollen heart – y’all know I’m going through too much. A heck of a lot. Yesterday I won another war with my enemies – miracles upon miracles. After winning it however – my body was so drained that I slept all day from around 3pm and through the night. I woke up feeling no better – and when I feel like trash – I try everything in my power to feel better. I pray – I drink coffee, I reason, I ration – I wonder what Jesus is doing with all the strange stuff that’s happening in my life. The foul treatment of my person by everyone I meet. Everyone who deals with me.

John 15:18-25New King James Version (NKJV)

The World’s Hatred
18 “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 He who hates Me hates My Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. 25 But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, ‘They hated Me without a cause.’[a]

I then realise at the end of all those thoughts – that mine is to walk with the heavy cross on my back and follow Jesus. To recall that no servant is greater than his master – that if they persecuted Christ they will persecute me too. That despite a stark innocence – the world will toss me anyway to be killed.

That the world hates disciples – and that in the middle of a severe pain – my Christ said of his killers: “Forgive them Father For they Know Not What they do (Luke 23:34)“. . . 

The strange things that are happening all around me – God warned me they would happen in 1 Peter

1 Peter 4:12-19

12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

14 If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.

15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters.

16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.

17 For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God?

18 And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?

19 Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.

Been feeling weak and low – singing Alicia Key’s song lyrics

“Who wants to love somebody like me? You must be messed up too.”

Until I realised – I am not messed up – the world is. I just love Jesus and THAT comes with crazy fire. So I decided to do what I do best – write about it. This time however – poetry. Here it is below – I call it – THE MILLSTONE IN MY CHEST – IN POETRY I REST

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When your heart is heavy like a millstone in your chest

Do what it is that makes you feel best

In my core I’ve found a door – in poetry I rest

Oh how Christ has given me an art to fight these mighty pests

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Persecution the past two years has made me dissilusioned

Pain after pain – struggling these chains to get me loosened

Comforted by the King of Kings – my grasp on Him is sutured

Stitched to His seams though dying it seems, but aware He has me rumoured

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Rumoured for being crazy because I love daily

This because He said his church would be insulted and called shady

Blessed are the persecuted – called to carry our crosses

But reviling bile lands on my innocent frame – shattering my core with losses

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This yes – to make me a better disciple – to prune out all the clutter

To get me over myself because my mind’s a gutter

To get me tho see better – to rise above being bitter

To scatter the seed of the Gospel – despite the pain that stutters

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Oh LORD I’ve been through a minute – like a pinyata I’m battered

Can’t help but look back at what I used to be – and with it get shattered

With splendour I once walked a career so tall – only to have me murdered

One night I woke up and I’d lost everything – to You God were my losses muttered

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I said – But I Father I’m bright, but Father I’m innocent – look at how I lost it all

I worked so hard – I collected starts – and overnight they made me fall

The books that I read, the work that I did – it’s like it never happened

How my education and career was suddenly overnight destroyed – just flattened

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Ten years of my life overnight just taken

All the people I trusted and had – like flour through a sieve they were easily shaken

Learnt the hard way that loving can get you killed – being funny and talented is a thing now mistaken

I leant by force what it’s like to live like Elijah – alone in the wilderness because a miracle you’ve awoken!

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Living Like a teenager again – like I just finished high school

Goodness my entire professional life was overnight ruined!!!

Living in a 32 year old body – but not even my youthful appearance has me fooled

Bottom line is I am too old to start from scratch since my fire was cooled

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Completely innocent – spotless like a dove

I did nothing wrong except give a lot of love

Now today I am facing poverty – the world wants me starved

I can’t help but look at Christ – and wonder what He’s carved!

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I sit where I am sitting with a mind for miles – yet I am undermined

Able to split a dozen questions – but poverty is all I find

Stalked by a man that wont leave me alone – a child in my belly he wants

Trying to take a daughter of God – despite the fact that he can’t

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Prayed to God for a loving husband – but all they want is my body

This despite the truth that they learn that Im not that kind of chick – I’m godly

Sexy they call me – hot they roar on me – but with heavenly love they can’t adore me

When will a man finally come that will be tired of all that folly?

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So I have lost my career – I’ve lost my family, I’ve lost my degree – my legacy

All this despite keeping myself pure – I’m rather plastered with heresy

Every door I open, I’m met with hostility – people’s hearts are cemeteries

Is there not ONE oh LORD that has not knelt to Baal – One who has you cherished??

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“What Now??” I am singing – I sound like Rihanna, why should her frustration be mine?

I am your daughter – I shouldn’t feel empty – yet I can relate to her song

Every man wants my body – every woman wants my glory – jealousy ruins their minds

They kill me for my story – it’s freaky and gory – all I can ask is HOW LONG??

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Like David your servant – I ask How long oh LORD – how long will you let them gloat?

How long oh Father – in this wretched torn life will you let my body float?

Worried about my future – torn apart by the futile – where is my heavenly boat?

My boat to flee – this mad disease of a world full of unruly goats!

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Where are my brothers – where are my sisters – how can I be so alone?

Narrow is the road that leads to life – that honours your Holy Throne

I know they’re not many – but LORD it’s so scary to not see a single heir

A foreigner on this hostile planet – an alien isolated – there’s gotta be someone there!!

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Just when I think I’ve found a soldier of yours – they crush me with worldly reactions

Troubled in Spirit that no one I meet is filled with your heavy passions

How can be alone, how can I love you on my own – are You not saving nations?

Been trying to make disciples – but meeting man’s rifles – pride populates their stations!!

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I’m hurting Father – with no one to comfort me – greed and jealousy is all I meet

You gave me a lot, but in all my art I rot – simply because I know these streets

My passion for you – it’s supposed to woo – but they want it rather buried in sheets

Give me hope Father that theres someone out there rather who like me similarly pleads

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How can I have no future when I am so bright?

How can I have no people – when my feet are so light?

How can everyone toss me whom I love with such a heavy plight?

How can the witchcraft of a stalker overwhelm your heavenly light?

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You said You’ve given us authority under heaven to trample on serpents and scorpions

I have a man dear Father that is wasting away at my life with his occultic scorpions!!

I want nothing to do with him – yet he haunts my life with sorcery

Will I ever be free from the Tshepiso disease – he’s engulfing my entire story

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I am broken – I’m hurting – disgusted, I’m screaming – Father he shouldn’t be so strong

How can an animal overwhelm an heir of Zion – Jesus but this is wrong!!

He follows my family, he follows my friends – he wants me in a seedy thong

To violate the body of chaste woman boldly – a demon with a lustful song!!

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Show me oh God that Tshepiso is WEAK – show me God that he’s not a power

Put me under your wing – Christ I wear your ring – from him I need a shower!!

Nothing I do makes him flee – I feel weaker by him each hour!

Constantly mourning – feeling disgusted that a satanist man wants my body to devour

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Never been disrespected like this before – thinking measly cents will drop my panties

A married man with a dozen diseases looks at my blog and devastatingly fancies

Fancies with violence – rape always on his mind – reduction of my person to a prostitute

That animal has taken my life oh God – because of him I am made to seem destitute

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You said in your Word that all things Work together for the good of them who love You

Will Tshepiso Mohapi and the stalking abuse he brings me ever destroy the Gospel truth??

How can this sick man’s ways bring any good to my life – he fills a stench in my life with his lustful hue

Father remove him – destroy his ways – I don’t know what more to do!!!

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I want my life back – I want my hope back – its impossible that I am chained

My fears you said are fruitless – but I am feeling muted – I’m feeling the demonic drain

I live like a man – a strength a woman shouldn’t understand – but no one cares for my pain

I feel so forsaken – I’m heavily laden – deliver me from this rain!!!!

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Father please hear me!! I’m so tired of underestimation – having fools dance on my head

I look at their folly – they’re brazen and ungodly – yet they get so far ahead

Like David in Psalm 73 – my feet are slipping – the wicked have got me behind them reared

How in the world I say – can that simpleton make way when their consciences are so seared??

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But just like David Father – I soon come to see after my numerous complaints

That the way of the wicked will perish – they vanish behind the shades

Like the chaff driven away by the wind – The Sword of the Spirit shaves like a blade

Suddenly overcome by calamity – Your wrath over my pain digs their graves

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Like Hannah’s cries after the taunts of Peninnah – I will finally get my son

Though I pray and fast endlessly – until I look drunk – a preacher will say I’ve won

My righteousness will shine like the dawn – the justice of my cause like the noonday sun!!

Thus my pain today – though it threatens to decay – is rather against Satan a gun!!!

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Well done my good and faithful servant – waiting for those glorious Words!!

He who endures to the end will be saved – Latching on to the Word of I’ve heard!!

I lost my career – but I fear not my crushed rear – because I’ve held on to the LORD. . .

Thus all I’ve lost for the gospel will be returned to me more bountiful – for the Lion of Judah has roared!!

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My family will heal – my degree they won’t steal – my future hubby is going to keep it real

I will love and again be loved – this fiery trial on the other side I won’t feel

Like Joseph with Menasseh – I will finally say after I rise that the LORD MADE ME FOR FORGET MY PAIN

So take heart dear Karabo – God got your back – you’ll finally see a purpose for your rain

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So I will take the talent God has given me and with my pain plant the Holy seed

Resting in poetry – resting in song – Like my brother David I will dance to feed

A living epistle I am before the world for Christ – I realise that truly He’s all I need

Thus give I will aways – even to those who steal – my power then will be their greed!

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Amen and Amen!!

Below another amateur piece on the tube:

MY PAIN IN SONG

And Rihanna’s song that I relate to in this time. I feel forsaken

The lyrics below:

“What Now”

I’ve been ignoring this big lump in my throat
I shouldn’t be crying,
tears were for the weaker days
I’m stronger now, or so I say,
But something’s missing

Whatever it is,
it feels like it’s laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is,
it’s just laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can’t figure it out
What now? I guess I’ll just wait it out (wait it out)
What now? Oh, oh, oh, oh! What now?

I found the one, he changed my life
But was it me that changed
And he just happened to come at the right time
I’m supposed to be in love
But I’m numb again

Whatever it is,
it feels like it’s laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is,
it’s just sitting there laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can’t figure it out
What now? I guess I’ll just wait it out (wait it out)
What now? Please tell me
What now?

There’s no one to call ’cause I’m just playing games with them all
The more I swear I’m happy, the more that I’m feeling alone
‘Cause I spent every hour just going through the motions
I can’t even get the emotions to come out
Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout

What now? I just can’t figure it out
What now? I guess I’ll just wait it out (wait it out)
What now? Somebody tell me
What now?

I don’t know where to go
I don’t know what to feel
I don’t know how to cry
I don’t know oh oh why
I don’t know where to go
I don’t know what to feel
I don’t know how to cry
I don’t know oh oh why
I don’t know where to go
I don’t know what to feel
I don’t know how to cry
I don’t know oh oh why

So what now?

I love you in the Name of Jesus 

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Amen and Amen

 

Love Cranberry Kay

 

 

Xoxies

rrrr

 

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