CHILL OUT – IT’S EMBARRASSING THAT YOU’VE BEEN RELIEVED…I’M BACK!

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Psalm 82
A psalm of Asaph.

1 God presides in the great assembly;
he renders judgment among the “gods”:
2 “How long will you[a] defend the unjust
and show partiality to the wicked?[b]
3 Defend the weak and the fatherless;
uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.
4 Rescue the weak and the needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked.
5 “The ‘gods’ know nothing, they understand nothing.
They walk about in darkness;
all the foundations of the earth are shaken.
6 “I said, ‘You are “gods”;
you are all sons of the Most High.’
7 But you will die like mere mortals;
you will fall like every other ruler.”
8 Rise up, O God, judge the earth,
for all the nations are your inheritance.

 

 

 

Hi friends in Jesus 🙂

I hope that you are well.

It has been a little too long out of my ministry – and while I wanted to wait until I have a job to return to my blog – I realised that I have been gone from it for way too long. I also realised that I have strength – in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Here is the bottom line, I am still suffering too much, but I am back!!!!!!!!

My mother has kicked me out of home again – and this time I have decided I am going to stay on the corner of the roof that she has put me in.

Proverbs 25:24

It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

 

As highlighted above, you know it is written in God’s Word – that it is better to live on the corner of a roof – than to share a house with a contentious woman. A bickering fool of a lady. A wild animal ready to devour at a whim, that which is completely innocent. Even it’s own offspring. I shall no longer be defiled by a woman with no self control. She is written of in God’s Word – that she may as well be a city without walls. I shall not return to it – for that will be a deed performed at my brutal expense. Brutal literally meaning the extinction of my well being, future and perhaps even life.

Proverbs 25:28

Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.

 

When a mother is ready that her child should rot and thereafter be fed to vultures – she ceases to be a mother and is then demoted to a mortal enemy.

I have been dumped therefore – yet again, at my biological father’s retirement village. His apartment is definitely the corner of the roof and I hate it here. I absolutely loathe it. But rather than live with a violently abusive woman, I will sit it out.

As a result of all my sufferings the past three years, especially the past year where I have been treated like a domestic slave disrespected by children and treated like a leper – I have been reduced to a swearing sailor. A woman I am not – and I realised that in order for me to regain my dignity – I must do what I love.

THIS!!

I must revert to what gives me joy and maintains my glory. It is what I need to work out my own salvation with fear and trembling…(Philippians 2:12) It is my avoidance of a Delilah circumstance, that weakened Sampson! (Judges 16)

At my fathers house there is no fear – only irritation. At my mother’s house there is nothing but livid abuse.

I therefore chose the corner of a roof…

I am coming back babies. 🙂

It has been a whole like what?? Since Jan or Feb! Perhaps 8 months. In that time, I have graduated from lean – to mean. I do not know if that is a graduation or a demotion – but it is definitely a transition.

I realized that if I am going to gain myself back – I have to work. I have to blog. At my dad’s apartment – I have free Wifi again. So no more walking to shops and the like just to get my blogs loaded. I therefore can carry on doing me.

She – my mother that is – keeps on harassing me. Violent with no real provocation. At my father’s place – not the best of men either for he is just as brutal with me in light of selfishness and insensitivity though I consider him relatively harmless – there is peace of heart. Not so much mind, because he pulls many unruly stunts on me. He’s trying to send me to the house of a contentious woman again and I will NOT have it. I would much rather be on the corner of a roof with him. He is not used to living with his children for he has been an absent dad – I therefore am a burden for him, but he will just have to be strong. I ain’t going nowhere. Insensitive or not. I choose safety over familiarity and false comfort… It’s that basic.

His stunts that make my life rough under his roof are tantamount to those of a person who hates his roommate. I am not under his roof his daughter. I am his roommate. He sees me not as a father sees a child, but as a burden loitering his space. I therefore survive that harshness by rightly seeing him as a roommate and so I spend the better part of the time ignoring him AND strategising around his foolishness. I therefore have no fear in his house – like I said above. Only irritation. I can simply ignore him without consequences.

Now since I do not fear for my life around him, I slowly realise that living here – means I have restored liberties. Liberties I did not have at my mothers house for she was horribly abusive even ignoring the law of our nation that protected me against what she was doing to me. Liberties like a freedom of expression.

Simply because I was in cased in horror – in the house of a wretchedly abusive woman – does not mean then, that I have to CONTINUE in a different space – to sit around like a defeated person. I am a victim of abuse. PTSD made me fear returning to my blog. But the longer I stay here – the freer I feel and the bolder I get to continue preaching the gospel and making my life a living epistle for the glory of God. (2 Corinthians 3:2)

I have over the past few months however – done a LOT of work, but work I have not been able to share due to a lack of a freedom of expression. If I shared it, my mother would have surely killed me. Or done something close to it.

John 15:18-25

The World Hates the Disciples
18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20 Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’[a] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21 They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin; but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 Whoever hates me hates my Father as well. 24 If I had not done among them the works no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. As it is, they have seen, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. 25 But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: ‘They hated me without reason.’[b]

 

Matthew 10:35-37

The Sword of the Gospel
…35For I have come to turn ‘A man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’ 37Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me;…

 

So much content have I produced over the past few months – that my mammoth Mac computer is nearly out of space!!

That my friends is my cue to start loading my work – so I can delete it from my Mac…

With or without a job!!

I realise that I will end up killing my father if I do not find something to do DAILY that enamours me with joy. Unlike my mother – he is not abusive in a fearful way, like I noted above. Only in a bullying but bark without a bite kind of way… He is not threatening to me at all. I very simply ignore him or strategize around him… Much like Tom and Jerry. I always escape him. It’s that basic…

I do not know my dad well because he was an absent dad, as noted. I am also not used to living with a man. Therefore everything is just really stupidly odd for me. He wants his space and I want mine. I realised that I will not be able to feel like I have space unless I get buried in something other than video blogging.

Video blogging means I have to be jocose, I need space. I need to be alone to do it.

My father is a pensioner – his home is a retirement village. He does not go to work during the day – so I do not have space to do my videos in peace. Both in terms of computer space literally – lol. And freedom to dance, sing, play. Do whatever. This because he is always around…Aaaargh! I feel like I am 12 again, except I am 33. Having to tip toe around parents. Its both ridiculous AND disgusting because these people destroyed my life and are trying to act like they did nothing wrong and are responsible to discipline me who is an unruly child. I have GOT to win this war – or I will NEVER be respected again!!

Age has NOTHING to do with maturity and my parents are livid examples of that…There is no way the world will be believe me over them unless my evidence against their abuse is damning. I have therefore spent the past few months gathering this damning evidence. My entire future depends on it!

This evidence is plentiful and thick – taking up all the space in my Mac. I do not have an external hard drive to shift my content to. I also can’t afford to buy one because I do not work. I therefore saw that the cloud that is You Tube is my only option to store my work. It is my external hard-drive. I have to move my content there – meaning I have to start sharing that journey I have had the past few months.

With or without a job…

If I do not expose these people for what they have done to me – my ENTIRE future will be swiped from right under my feet!! Never will I allow that to happen under heaven while my faculties are still intact!! Jesus – will very simply not let it happen for HE is WITH me – therefore no one can be against me!!

Romans 8:31

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Also – it is written in God’s Word – that in his heart a man’s plans his way – but the LORD establishes his steps? (Proverbs 16:9)

Well babies – I planned to share my work only once working, but I guess God has different plans. You see – He is the one who said in His Word that when we are weak, we are strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). My unemployment – my weakness – IS my strength!

This here ministry has been my power over the past three years. My blog. I have survived severe solitude and persecution through it. I am back now and oh how GOOD it feels to have it again. There is literally a RUSH of endorphins fuelling my system right now, just from writing AGAIN!!! It’s BEAUTIFUL!!

I am coming back to poetry guys, to singing, to dancing, to writing. EVERYTHING!! And I have never been more EXCITED!!!! This is JOY!!
In Jesus we are fruitful with NOTHING to our names.

When then I begin to write and my father is right there all up in my grill – I just plug in my ear phones – listen to the music on my playlist – and WRITE!!!

OHHHHHHHHHHH HOW EXCELLENT IT FEELS!!

Because of it – I don’t get easily aggitated by my dad – or this old people place. This gangster retirement village!!

Beloved – I missed you so much!!!! 🙂

In this time that I have been gone – I have been so miserable – so violated, so brutalised, that I even started swearing!! Like a SAILOR!! I am talking F-words and ALL!! It’s like I was a different person!!

I got so angry at the terrible treatment I have endured. I still am to be honest! But I need to clean my tongue now. It is time. The sun must rise now. From dusk until dawn. It is time. It is time! It is time.

I will share EVERYTHING. ABSOLUTELY everything. Including how I became carnal for a season. How I graduated from decorus language to swearing. How I got so frustrated with men that in protest I took off my clothes and started booty hopping like Beyonce to prove that even with a booty hop – I am STILL chaste!!

It has been a journey!!! So far I have done 93 movies – and counting. Even running out of disc space – I did say! 🙂

I will over the next few months, I guess, share all blogs alongside writing. My WHOLE journey in a box!!

I took to exercise through dance. To poetry. Modelling, acting, drama. The works!!

You know how I do. 🙂

I am sooooooo ecstatic to be back and this here is my first video below. My life in a Box I have called it. It has been like solitary confinement – where I have been locked in a basement and fed. Unable to come out for air or see anyone – let alone BEING seen by anyone.

If I did not take to entertaining myself through story telling and exercise – drama really – I would have died from jealous people locking me behind bars. Heart attack perhaps. Yeah – in my infantile 33 years of age – I would have had a STROKE or something…

The journey started in my old apartment – transitioning all the way to my mothers terrible place. Over the months, I have grown in strength, talent, resilience and hope. If it was not for this – I would have surely died. I keep saying that. I would have either had a heart attack or some other kind of nervous breakdown. I definitely would have never committed suicide. I fear God too much, but I nearly died dear people from some other stress disease – and God through another random thing that was supposed to undermine and kill me – rather SAVED me.

I simply realised that my dad’s place that I have been dumped in – was God’s call for me to COME BACK TO YOU GUYS. TO GIVE THE GOSPEL!! To show you how a child of  God is given ABUNDANT mercy to live through the most SEVERE persecution!!! (John 15)

I lived in solitary confinement for almost a year – and now that I am out, while I still had prison syndrome that made sure I delayed coming back – God made me brave again! After the sun strained my eyes for a season, I saw that it was good for me to run like a free person again!!

John 8:36

If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Victim of abuse – severe abuse I am. I have PTSD – but slowly through sharing my pain and troubles, I will heal many.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

My mother has been preparing herself for my funeral. Being aware of that – I ESCAPED like prisoner seeing an unlocked prison bar while on death row!! She was PREPARED to watch me die than have me expose her abuse! Purely for the sake of maintaining a fake reputation – she was willing to bury her own child. Just nonsense that God will have NOTHING to do with!! Spreading rumours about me being a seedy kid – when she rather has devastated my future and is now trying to wipe the blood off her hands with my corpse!!

I therefore – even without a job – will show the world what she has done to me, so that IF I die a martyrs death, she WILL NOT be absolved of guilt. I am making impossible for her to even attend  my funeral. I will NOT let her away with this.

Exodus 34:7

maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”

After this?? Well I have no clue. But I still do not have a job. My entire future was stolen from me. My degree, my career, my husband and children. My ENTIRE life!! But as it is written in God’s Word – the Kingdom of heaven suffers violence and the violence take it by FORCE!! (Matthew 11:12)

This is me grabbing the kingdom by FORCE!! This is me working out my own salvation with fear and trembling!! (Philippians 2:12)

I have been randomly abused by terrible suggestions from the occult. Stupid temptations that did not even weaken me with desire AT ALL!! Like the temptation to sleep with some loser to get a job. I think not!! Just a HORRIBLE TIME!!

But God will restore to me EVERYTHING that has been stolen!!

Joel 2:25

And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

I – have shared it all that has been stolen from me and God’s hope for restoration and peace.  I hope you’ll be blessed in the process.

 

See below therefore dear beloved – the first of my many movies. Let’s endure this journey together and hopefully heal together in finding redemption together!!

🙂

I adore you in His Holy Name…Our Jesus Christ…

 

My Life In A Box 1 – It Started Here PART 1

My Life In A Box 1 – It Started Here PART 2

My Life In A Box 1 – It Started Here PART 3

My Life In A Box 1 – It Started Here PART 4

My Life In A Box 1 – It Started Here PART 5

 

 

I adore you in the Name Of Jesus

 

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Amen and Amen

 

 

Xoxies

 

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